Hook Up Culture

The topic of hooking up is an interesting choice for a Bible blog, but my opinion on it is going to be wildly unpopular with today's world, specifically in my generation (Gen Z). Not only do I think hook-up culture is detrimental to any future marital relationship, but I also believe it affects other aspects of our world. For example, society would be one thousand percent better if pornography weren’t so popular. The rise of porn consumption/addiction, the emphasis on sleeping with whoever you want to, and casual sexual relationship depictions in nearly every mainstream storytelling avenue, all correlate with how the everyday human will value sex.

Saving yourself for marriage is maybe one of the hardest, but most beautiful things to do. If you are susceptible to peer pressure, it's entirely too challenging, and you almost start to truly care after it's too late. “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” – Hebrews 13:4. Not only does God want us to wait until marriage, He expects it. These days, only approximately ten percent wait, and if I had to guess, that would be a generous number. I don’t say these things to condemn you if you didn’t or haven’t been practicing purity in this way. I say them because it’s important to see what God wants for us. God wouldn’t expect us to wait if it didn’t matter either way what we do. “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18. The effects of sex outside of marriage are linked to higher rates of divorce, attachment (some people refer to this as a soul tie), and regular low self-esteem, depression, plus more. God doesn’t command this of us because He doesn’t want us to have any fun. He commands it because waiting is truly in our best interest.

“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.” – Psalm 1:1-2. We can increasingly see how often society, whether it be pop culture, Hollywood, or even politics, promotes ideas that completely go against what the Word of God says. The sexual revolution of the 60's really pioneered the way culture views relationships. There aren't wholesome relationships in romcoms or on TV anymore. There is soft porn in popular films these days, which not only reinforces damaging norms but also gives teens and young adults a skewed narrative of what love should look like.

Along with the rise of oversexualization on our mainstream screens, there are also unfortunate statistics regarding specifically sought-after pornographic content. Roughly 40 million Americans watch porn; again, I’m assuming this is generously low compared to how many really watch it. I don’t feel that I really need to point out the obvious detriments of this category of content. Some interesting facts that correlate to porn consumption: 78% of men who watch it feel unsatisfied with their appearance, and about 60% report feeling lonely. As we all know, adult movies are not real life. People are acting, there are scripts, lighting, angles, and they do not portray the covenantal gift of sex that God blessed a husband and wife with. There are even studies that prove that watching porn causes you to be a lower-performing individual. All in all, pornography is overwhelmingly negative for people, and I urge you to avoid watching it.

Again, I don’t want to sound preachy or as if I’m standing on a soapbox. I truly believe that hook-up culture has sucked in so many Christians under false pretenses of what is 'normal.' When it’s considered weird, scary even to wait until marriage, you know it's a problem. God’s design for us and for marriage is so special, and the gift of sex in marriage is something we open too early. I pray this leads you to consider repentance and abstinence if that’s where you are. I pray you see the true joy and love that blossoms when you decide to wait.

God bless you. xo

Self Love vs. Selfish

Something interesting that I’ve been pondering is the difference between loving ourselves out of respect for who God made us to be versus idolizing who we are. In a world filled with advice like ‘follow your heart’ or ‘you only live once, ’ of course, we are going to see advice on loving ourselves. Much of which likely has nothing to do with God or what He intended for us. The linked article offers tips such as ‘don’t judge yourself’ and ‘know when to say no.’ These can be good at times, but let's consider the distinctions between judging ourselves and feeling convicted. Convictions will make us better people and bring us closer to Jesus. Knowing when to say no: of course, we don’t need to say yes to every single invitation; however, we are called to go the extra mile (literally- Matthew 5:41) for people.

We know for certain that God is love. If God dwells in us, we should feel love for ourselves by that fact alone. “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 4:8. Many Christians, myself included, can tell you that they love much more deeply and certainly differently after committing their lives to Christ. By design, this extends to how we love ourselves, as well. Before knowing Jesus, I had often heard that you can’t love someone properly if you don’t love yourself first. What I know now is that you cannot love someone properly unless you love Jesus first. “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” – 2 Corinthians 10:12. Allowing Jesus into your heart and making your thoughts obedient to Him will allow you to appreciate yourself and other people for their souls and nothing else.

The other evidence here for how we should love ourselves is “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” – Mark 12:30-31. This gives us a baseline for what was previously stated. If we love God, we will naturally love ourselves. Both of which will allow us to love our neighbor. The selfish self-love we see today is keeping us from the relationship design God intended for us. Instead of the selfless love He showed us, or the merciful, forgiving, convicting, mentoring, love that wants the best for others, we see so much jealousy and unforgiveness in relationships. I see instances of projecting insecurities on other people, which ends in hatred. I’m not saying that when you become a Christian, all that goes away, but rooting your identity and who you are in Jesus Christ will allow you to feel much less insecure about the fleeting matters of the world.

I know I use this verse a lot in these posts, but I recognize it as relevant to the topic. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.  I urge you to be patient and kind with yourself. Make sure your self-care isn’t selfish or a result of jealousy or pride. It shouldn’t be dishonoring to others; for example, if you’re reading a book after a long day and someone in your house needs help with a task, come back to your alone time after you help them. It also should not be self-seeking; if you go to the gym to honor the temple the Lord blessed you with, that is one thing. If you’re going for the intent of feeling hotter or more attractive, that’s another.

God blessed us with wonderful, able bodies and minds. We are prepared to face the hills and valleys He has called before us. He thought of everything when He made us how He did. He gave us the ability to love, to feel, to excel, to sympathize, to hypothesize, and everything in between. We should truly love who we are because we were created by Him in His image. This is easier said than done, especially as a woman, but a spirit check now and then could be the difference between how you love someone that day.

God bless you. xo

There are six things the Lord hates,

Proverbs 6:16-19

Seven that are detestable to Him. The Lord lays out His standard, the moral guide we are supposed to follow. The ways of the narrow path and a simple, peaceful life. God spells it out for us many times in the Bible; when He gave Moses the 10 Commandments and through many of Jesus’ teachings, we are reminded of the baseline standard for righteousness. Let us plant these seeds of truth on rich soil within us to produce good fruit and multiply by the hundreds.

The Lord hates haughty eyes. Haughty - adjective, which means arrogantly superior and disdainful. “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” – Matthew 7:3. Why are we in judgment of our brothers and sisters when we are sinners, too? I often feel conviction from this, and a beautiful revelation that Jesus brought before me was that each person I meet is someone He died for. Jesus offers the humility to recognize that we are no better than anybody else and have no right to come from a place of righteous superiority. Coming to people with loving conviction and concern could mean the world of a difference. We should speak up to our neighbors who claim Christ, and even those who don’t. Our relationship with the Lord is the biggest blessing, and we should want everyone we meet to feel His love radiating from us.

God hates a lying tongue. In this day and age, it’s hard to trust anything - it’s as though everything is meant to deceive us. We weren’t taught to lie. The first lie in the Bible: “Now Cain said to his brother Abel, ‘Let’s go out to the field.’ While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Where is your brother Abel?’ ‘I don’t know,’ he replied. ‘Am I my brother’s keeper?’” – Genesis 4:8,9. Nobody told Cain to lie. The most common reason why people lie is to avoid punishment, according to the Paul Ekman Group. Everybody in the world lies, and we all know that lying comes with repercussions almost every single time. Something that always throws me off is that after I lie, I don’t even know why I did. It’s almost always just a simple situation where the lie slips out of my mouth and I’m stuck wondering why the heck I just said that. Something that has helped me personally was realizing that I don’t have to pretend I’m something I’m not. We were created in the image of God and should feel positively impacted by that knowledge. We don’t have to lie to save face or anything else.

He hates hands that shed innocent blood. Cain is a good example of what not to be like for us, as he committed the first lie as well as the first murder in the Bible. I’m guessing (hoping) the people who read this haven’t murdered anybody. In the New Testament, Jesus teaches us that anger towards someone is like murdering them: “But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.” – Matthew 5:22. I know I have multiple counts in the court of this law. There are many reasons we get angry with others: jealousy, disrespect, annoyance, personal trials, etc.. We always have to remember that getting angry (committing mental murder) never made things better. The best way to overcome anger, from my experience, is to open up about what you’re feeling toward that person before it festers into a resentment that is difficult to redeem.

The Lord hates a heart that devises wicked schemes. Our flesh is constantly being tempted by wickedness, and it’s of great importance for us to guard our hearts not to listen to the flesh. Humankind is doomed to the fate of constant and loud worldly desires. Jesus says we should deny our flesh, pick up our crosses, and follow Him. We should work each day to keep this plan in our hearts. When we follow Jesus, we don’t desire to do evil. When we seek the Lord with our whole being, we are brought into a light that is scarcely penetrated by darkness.

God hates feet that are quick to rush into evil. In my personal life, the times I’ve been more susceptible to sin were when I was around secular people. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:27. The Lord has given me many great friendships from whom I have learned a lot of life lessons. The most important lesson I learned from them was that after finding true peace and fulfillment in Jesus, the things I used to place above everything else, and the things that my old friends and I used to bond over, became incredibly futile and pointless to me. I don’t think I would be here writing this today if I were still being sharpened by those people. So my advice: take an inventory of those whom you surround yourself with, and if your main bond isn’t Christ, maybe they aren’t the best examples for you.

The Lord hates a false witness who pours out lies. God really hates it when we lie, according to this proverb. The lying mentioned here is noticeably different from what was written before. God hates injustice, which, when you think about it, is ironic. God’s mercy and love for us are not fair- we deserve way worse than what He gives. The injustice He hates is the kind that causes unfair punishment to His people. There’s a reason God warns us about this. During the events leading up to Jesus’ crucifixion: “Now the chief priests, the elders, and the whole Sanhedrin were seeking false testimony against Jesus in order to put Him to death” – Matthew 26:59. There are also several recent examples in American courts that this sin has proven to be frustrating and ultimately degrading for society. God warns about it because swaying the scales of justice isn’t a human responsibility.

Finally, the Lord hates a person who stirs up conflict in the community. This covers a plethora of sins. This person could be a gossip, or a drunk, or an addict, or mentally ill, or judgmental, etc., etc.. If our actions cause negative chaos and darkness within other people, we are probably doing the wrong thing. We need to engulf the Word into our mind, soul, and spirit, so that we have a chance of living in peace and joy by the will of our God.