Self Love vs. Selfish
Something interesting that I’ve been pondering is the difference between loving ourselves out of respect for who God made us to be versus idolizing who we are. In a world filled with advice like ‘follow your heart’ or ‘you only live once, ’ of course, we are going to see advice on loving ourselves. Much of which likely has nothing to do with God or what He intended for us. The linked article offers tips such as ‘don’t judge yourself’ and ‘know when to say no.’ These can be good at times, but let's consider the distinctions between judging ourselves and feeling convicted. Convictions will make us better people and bring us closer to Jesus. Knowing when to say no: of course, we don’t need to say yes to every single invitation; however, we are called to go the extra mile (literally- Matthew 5:41) for people.
We know for certain that God is love. If God dwells in us, we should feel love for ourselves by that fact alone. “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 4:8. Many Christians, myself included, can tell you that they love much more deeply and certainly differently after committing their lives to Christ. By design, this extends to how we love ourselves, as well. Before knowing Jesus, I had often heard that you can’t love someone properly if you don’t love yourself first. What I know now is that you cannot love someone properly unless you love Jesus first. “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” – 2 Corinthians 10:12. Allowing Jesus into your heart and making your thoughts obedient to Him will allow you to appreciate yourself and other people for their souls and nothing else.
The other evidence here for how we should love ourselves is “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” – Mark 12:30-31. This gives us a baseline for what was previously stated. If we love God, we will naturally love ourselves. Both of which will allow us to love our neighbor. The selfish self-love we see today is keeping us from the relationship design God intended for us. Instead of the selfless love He showed us, or the merciful, forgiving, convicting, mentoring, love that wants the best for others, we see so much jealousy and unforgiveness in relationships. I see instances of projecting insecurities on other people, which ends in hatred. I’m not saying that when you become a Christian, all that goes away, but rooting your identity and who you are in Jesus Christ will allow you to feel much less insecure about the fleeting matters of the world.
I know I use this verse a lot in these posts, but I recognize it as relevant to the topic. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. I urge you to be patient and kind with yourself. Make sure your self-care isn’t selfish or a result of jealousy or pride. It shouldn’t be dishonoring to others; for example, if you’re reading a book after a long day and someone in your house needs help with a task, come back to your alone time after you help them. It also should not be self-seeking; if you go to the gym to honor the temple the Lord blessed you with, that is one thing. If you’re going for the intent of feeling hotter or more attractive, that’s another.
God blessed us with wonderful, able bodies and minds. We are prepared to face the hills and valleys He has called before us. He thought of everything when He made us how He did. He gave us the ability to love, to feel, to excel, to sympathize, to hypothesize, and everything in between. We should truly love who we are because we were created by Him in His image. This is easier said than done, especially as a woman, but a spirit check now and then could be the difference between how you love someone that day.
God bless you. xo
